Statement from Zephaniah Waks
3 March 2015
There is no doubt that I regret some of my past parenting techniques. To provide some context, I became a parent in Israel during the 1970s, and raised eight of my children in one of the most ultra-Orthodox cities there, B’nei Brak (whose Chief Rabbi even today does not recognise the validity of the criminal law systems in the USA or Australia). A common form of discipline at the time was the use of corporal punishment, both in the home and within the school environment. Of course this was not unique to Israel or the ultra-Orthodox community. Indeed, it was common in Australian homes and schools. I suspect, however, that the approach to discipline within the ultra-Orthodox community was even more rigid. This no doubt informed my future parenting skills and habits (not only in the context of corporal punishment), even much later when I relocated with my family to Australia. In hindsight, I certainly regret this.
Moreover, I fully understand that having a large number of children carries with it a great responsibility: to care for the well-being of each child in every possible way. On reflection, I fully acknowledge, however, that this is an almost impossible task with 17 children. I vividly recall the incredible feeling we had when we received the special blessing from the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, just prior to my marriage to my dear wife Chaya of 41 years, to build a family with “many children.” We were thrilled, as a large family was seen as an immense blessing. We were grateful to the Rebbe when his blessing was fulfilled. Indeed, we always perceived it as a prophecy. But the reality is that, in hindsight, with so many children, it is difficult for me to see how any parent can possibly provide completely for the unique needs of each and every child, and I obviously did not.
I would like to make it clear that I have apologised to all my children individually in the past for my above-mentioned errors. I have sought to make amends. Of course, I acknowledge that it is each individual child’s prerogative to choose whether or not to accept my apology.
It is important to emphasise, however, that to try to conflate the parenting issue and that of the issue of child sexual abuse that was perpetrated against three of my children under the auspices of the Yeshivah Centre is more than inappropriate. Clearly, it has nothing to do with the sexual abuse, cover-ups and ongoing intimidation by the Yeshivah Centre. It should be clear that anyone attempting to conflate these two separate issues is promoting a personal agenda.
Out of respect to my family, I will desist from raising any personal matters that most of us believe have prompted ongoing ad hominem attacks against us all.
I again reiterate my acknowledgment of past mistakes, and accept that in some cases nothing I say or do will compensate for the hurt I have caused to some of my children. I take full responsibility for my actions, and extend my sincere apology to each and every one of them.
Despite the ongoing pain and suffering for my entire family, I have no regrets in supporting all three of my courageous children who came forward to the police and sought justice for the sexual abuse they endured as children. I also have no regrets whatsoever (quite the reverse) in supporting my eldest son Manny in publicly disclosing his sexual abuse and for his ongoing public campaign, now totally vindicated. I will continue to support them in every way that I can.
It is important for me to note that I was drawn into this public campaign through the (absolutely right) actions of my son Manny. I never intended to take a leading role in this public campaign, nor did I deliberately position myself to be seen as a moral arbiter or leader. I simply did what any parent should do: support their child who was violated in unspeakable ways. And for this I make no apology.
I do not intend to engage further publicly regarding these very personal family matters. I simply want to set the record straight, something Manny and I have previously attempted to do in various forums.
I wish us all the very best in these difficult times.
Originally published at Facebook.
Moreover, I fully understand that having a large number of children carries with it a great responsibility: to care for the well-being of each child in every possible way. On reflection, I fully acknowledge, however, that this is an almost impossible task with 17 children. I vividly recall the incredible feeling we had when we received the special blessing from the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, just prior to my marriage to my dear wife Chaya of 41 years, to build a family with “many children.” We were thrilled, as a large family was seen as an immense blessing. We were grateful to the Rebbe when his blessing was fulfilled. Indeed, we always perceived it as a prophecy. But the reality is that, in hindsight, with so many children, it is difficult for me to see how any parent can possibly provide completely for the unique needs of each and every child, and I obviously did not.
I would like to make it clear that I have apologised to all my children individually in the past for my above-mentioned errors. I have sought to make amends. Of course, I acknowledge that it is each individual child’s prerogative to choose whether or not to accept my apology.
It is important to emphasise, however, that to try to conflate the parenting issue and that of the issue of child sexual abuse that was perpetrated against three of my children under the auspices of the Yeshivah Centre is more than inappropriate. Clearly, it has nothing to do with the sexual abuse, cover-ups and ongoing intimidation by the Yeshivah Centre. It should be clear that anyone attempting to conflate these two separate issues is promoting a personal agenda.
Out of respect to my family, I will desist from raising any personal matters that most of us believe have prompted ongoing ad hominem attacks against us all.
I again reiterate my acknowledgment of past mistakes, and accept that in some cases nothing I say or do will compensate for the hurt I have caused to some of my children. I take full responsibility for my actions, and extend my sincere apology to each and every one of them.
Despite the ongoing pain and suffering for my entire family, I have no regrets in supporting all three of my courageous children who came forward to the police and sought justice for the sexual abuse they endured as children. I also have no regrets whatsoever (quite the reverse) in supporting my eldest son Manny in publicly disclosing his sexual abuse and for his ongoing public campaign, now totally vindicated. I will continue to support them in every way that I can.
It is important for me to note that I was drawn into this public campaign through the (absolutely right) actions of my son Manny. I never intended to take a leading role in this public campaign, nor did I deliberately position myself to be seen as a moral arbiter or leader. I simply did what any parent should do: support their child who was violated in unspeakable ways. And for this I make no apology.
I do not intend to engage further publicly regarding these very personal family matters. I simply want to set the record straight, something Manny and I have previously attempted to do in various forums.
I wish us all the very best in these difficult times.
Originally published at Facebook.
An addendum – from a private message sent to Manny Waks:
It is an unfortunate reality that if you were to expose most families to the scrutiny with which your family has been put under, you would find disputes which, more often than not, are dealt with privately. Many families have situations where for one reason or another, one family member doesn’t talk to another or siblings view their parents in a different light. When one considers that you have 17 children, it is no surprise to find that in this respect, your family is no different to others.
To raise the issue of your father’s parenting as some type of justification, defence or diversion to the sexual abuse, cover-ups and ongoing intimidation perpetrated by the Yeshivah Centre is not only offensive to victims of child sexual abuse who have finally achieved justice but also obstructs Yeshivah from taking responsibility and making amends in the way it has indicated it would like to do.
It is an unfortunate reality that if you were to expose most families to the scrutiny with which your family has been put under, you would find disputes which, more often than not, are dealt with privately. Many families have situations where for one reason or another, one family member doesn’t talk to another or siblings view their parents in a different light. When one considers that you have 17 children, it is no surprise to find that in this respect, your family is no different to others.
To raise the issue of your father’s parenting as some type of justification, defence or diversion to the sexual abuse, cover-ups and ongoing intimidation perpetrated by the Yeshivah Centre is not only offensive to victims of child sexual abuse who have finally achieved justice but also obstructs Yeshivah from taking responsibility and making amends in the way it has indicated it would like to do.