Next Monday night (3 August 2015), there will be an important vote at the monthly Plenum held by the Jewish Community Council of Victoria (JCCV). The JCCV constituents will decide whether or not to admit Keshet, a support and advocacy group for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex (LGBTI) Jews.

In 1999, another support and advocacy group, Aleph, failed in its bid to be admitted as a member of the JCCV due to threats by some of the JCCV’s Orthodox constituents to quit the peak state body.

We have come a long way as a society since 1999. We know the many challenges associated with being a member of the LGBTI community – increased mental health issues, self-harm and suicide, to name a few.

It is incumbent upon each and every one of us to take a stand. If we are a member of an organisation that has a vote at the JCCV Plenum, we must do what we can to ensure they vote to admit Keshet as a member.

Sadly, all too often we have seen where bigotry and intolerance lead. Just today, at Jerusalem’s Pride Parade, numerous people were viciously attacked with a knife by a homophobic Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) protestor.

Also today, dozens of former Yeshiva students in Israel identified themselves as gay in an open letter, challenging a prominent rabbi who referred to homosexuality ‘a perversion and sin’.

Recently, in a landmark decision, a US court ruled that a Jewish organisation offering “conversion therapy” committed fraud.

It is long overdue for us as a community to take an unequivocal stand on this issue. The JCCV Plenum is a great opportunity for the Melbourne Jewish community to do so.

UPDATE: Keshet Australia has been voted in unanimously as a JCCV affiliate. This sends a powerful message. Well done to all concerned.

Below is a moving and powerful letter apparently from a Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) father to his "Off The Derech" [formerly Orthodox] adult daughter. While there is no way for me to confirm this letter's authenticity, hopefully other parents in similar circumstances take heed from its important and timely message, especially in the context of the recent tragedy. I have translated the relevant words/phrases [in square brackets].

My dearest Suri,

As I fasted today, I sat and reflected on what our fast is all about. Why was our beautiful home in Yerushalayim [Jerusalem] destroyed? Why did the presence of Hashem leave us? What did we do to drive ourselves into this long bitter golus [exile]?

I always knew the answer, but I don't think I understood it as well as I do right now. It was destroyed because we were judgmental of those who did not ACT the way we wanted them to act. We were embarrassed of those who did not DRESS the way that we wanted them to dress. We looked down at those that did not TALK the way we wanted them to talk. And our misplaced ego caused us to think that we are better then they are. This is what caused us to destroy ourselves completely. Without having a ayin tovah ["nice eye"], a favorable and understanding eye on those around us, we are not deserving of having the divine presence of Hashem [God] live among us. We threw ourselves out with our self-righteous mindset.

Which group of us caused the destruction? The ones “on the derech” or the ones “off the derech”?

On this I sit and cry... my eyes fill with tears... the epiphany just hit me like a ton of bricks: It was not the ones wearing the jeans (as an example) that caused the destruction, rather, it was the ones not wearing jeans who then looked down upon those who wore the jeans! WE are the ones who destroyed the beis Hamikdosh [temple] and we have not yet corrected our sin! In fact, with Torah and mitzvos [commandments] being so strong... we have perhaps even strengthened our sin... we have taken it to a higher level.

I look at myself... am I not part of the group who uses our beautiful religion to look down at others? And if so, am I not the one responsible for our current exile? What good is my fasting and sitting on a floor if I cannot face the truth that “I” am currently responsible for this tragedy?!

I now fully realize that it is not you and your friends who are preventing Moshiach [Messiah] from coming... it is me and my friends!

I wrote my own kinniss [traditional sad poems]: Woe is to me for I have repeated and repeated the original sin that caused the churban [destruction of the temple]! Woe is to me for I have stabbed my own flesh and blood! Woe is to me for I took the holy Torah that is supposed to be sweet and peaceful "dirachehuh darchei NOAM vichal nesivosehuh SHALOM" ["its ways are ways of pleasantness and all its routes are peaceful"] and I used it to form a dagger which I then used to stab you - and others - over and over again!!

And so after a long day of fasting and contemplation, I look back at the way that I treated you and for this I now sit and cry. My dear sweet beloved Suri !! How can I ever take back the pain that I caused you? How can I ever repay you for the smiles and hugs that you so deserved... but didn’t get from me because I was too busy justifying to myself why it is OK for me to look down at you… to judge you harshly… and to actively destroy the Bais Hamikdosh? How can I give you back the lost years?

My dear Suri, a long long long time ago, I looked into the future and dreamed about the day that you would grow up, mature, learn right from wrong, wake up from your selfishness and finally come ask me for forgiveness… but after alot of inner searching... “I” grew up, and “I” matured, and “I” learned right from wrong, and now “I” finally finally woke up from MY selfish, haughty, egotistical, judgmental attitude! And now on this painful day I turn to you and I ask you – no, I BEG you - for forgiveness!!

I accept upon myself to shower you with love and affection, with hugs and kisses, and to do everything in my power to always be there for you through thick and thin! I pledge to work so so hard to make up for all of the pain that I caused you. I pledge to never look down at you, your friends, or on ANY JEW ever again. I am DONE with the negative attitude! I am DONE with being the judge and jury to another Yid [Jew]! I am DONE with thinking that I am BETTER than ANY other Jew in Klal Yisrael [the Jewish people]. I am DONE being a part of the problem... and I pledge that as of right this moment... I will become a part of the SOLUTION!!

My Suri, please open your heart to me... please open your arms to me... hug me, hold my hand and let us build the beis Hamikdosh together…

What do you say?

Your loving Totty [father]

UPDATE: It has now been confirmed to me that the Haredi father did indeed send the letter to his daughter but sourced the letter from a 17 July 2013 blog run by an individual who offers advice to Haredi parents in dealing with their children.

Below is the 2011 letter I received from David Cyprys' lawyer threatening me with defamation proceedings for encouraging former Yeshivah College school mates to go to the police with any information they may have regarding Cyprys that would assist in their investigation. I recall at the time that it was very confronting but also gave me hope of seeing justice as it would have provided me with the opportunity to state my case in the court of law. Upon legal advice I ignored the letter and unsurprisingly, I never heard back from him. Soon after Cyprys was charged with sexually abusing 12 children and in 2013 he was sentenced to eight years in jail for abusing nine children. He is one of Australia's most notorious paedophiles.

On the fourth anniversary since receiving the letter, I'm sharing it publicly for the first time to highlight the extent to which some paedophiles go to intimidate and control their victims, and ultimately to try to prove their innocence to the world. I'm thankful that I had the strength to stand up to such evil.  

15 July 2011

Dear Sir

DAVID CYPRYS

On behalf of our above-named client, we now enclose a Concerns Notice pursuant to the Defamation Act (VIC) 2005.

We await hearing from you within the next 28 days as to whether or not you wish to make any offer to make amends. In the absence thereof, we shall seek instructions from our client as to the commencement of proceedings against you.

Yours faithfully

Barrie Goldsmith
 

CONCERNS  NOTICE

This is a Concerns Notice within the meaning of Section 14(2) of the Defamation Act (VIC) 2005 (“the Act”).

The Concerns Notice is issued on behalf of David Cyprys, (“the complainant”) and is addressed to Menachem (“Manny”) Waks (“the publisher”).

The Concerns Notice arises out of the publication by the publisher of an e-mail dated 4 July 2011and titled “Sexual abuse at Yeshivah” and sent to at least 23 persons (“the matter complained of”).

The complainant alleges that the matter complained of is defamatory and alleges that it contains the following imputations or imputations to similar effect:

1.       The complainant is being investigated for having committed sexual abuse.

2.       The complainant committed sexual abuse.

(“the imputations of concern”)

Pursuant to the section 13 of the Act, the publisher is invited to make an offer to make amends and which must be in the form prescribed by section 15 of the Act.

Any offer to make amends must include the offers set out in sections 15(10(d) – (f) of the Act and may include offers set out in section 15(10(g).

A failure to make an offer to make amends may lead to an order for indemnity costs, upon the successful outcome of Court proceedings, in accordance with section 40 of the Act.

Dated 15 July 2011   

Barrie Goldsmith
Solicitor for the complainant

In the past few weeks I have received credible reports of allegations of historical cases of child sexual abuse against multiple victims by multiple perpetrators at the King David School in South Africa. At this stage I am not in a position to disclose further information. It is important to emphasise that there are no allegations of a cover-up by any institution.

I would like to encourage anyone with any information to go to the police in South Africa. I would also suggest providing information to the South African Board of Jewish Education who are aware of these allegations and have reached out to some of those involved.

While no victim/survivor should feel pressured to file a police report, if it’s an option, I’d encourage each and every such person to indeed file such a report for the following main reasons:

• Based on my personal experience and in dealing with many such victims/survivors, it is extremely empowering to file a police report. It’s not always the easiest thing to do – it brings back some awful memories, often memories some may have tried to bury. But in all cases that I’ve dealt with there was an overwhelming sense of relief – a decades-long burden lifted – as well as empowerment.
  
• Often perpetrators have multiple victims, so evidence from multiple victims strengthens the case for everyone (besides the offender, of course).
  
• Often perpetrators don’t stop until they are stopped. Typically a paedophile will have dozens of victims. I understand that in at least one of the cases, the alleged perpetrator is currently a school principal (it’s common for perpetrators to put themselves in a position where they have easy access to children). So immediate action may need to be taken to ensure the safety of today’s children.
  

I would still encourage all victims/survivors to file a police report even if they don’t necessarily intend to pursue the matter any further. This will also assist with the case. Of course anyone else (i.e. not a victim/survivor) who has any relevant information must go to the police to offer this information.

Finally, if you were impacted by the abuse in any way (especially as a victim/survivor), please contact an appropriate support service in your area.

If necessary, please contact me and I will endeavour to assist in any way that I can.

Having just read this brief news-story, it's a great opportunity to consider what background checks we've done on our babysitter, live-in, tutor, etc. and to ensure we do so in the future.  

However, it's important to remember that in the vast majority of cases, the perpetrator is known to the victim. Often they are closely related. Or a playdate. 

So nothing substitutes educating ourselves and our children about body safety. Have these conversations openly (in an age-appropriate manner - there are plenty of resources available for this such as the outstanding Stewards of Children program). 

Let those around you know that you take the issue of child sexual abuse seriously, and that you have addressed it with your children - it's worth sharing this even if you haven't really taken any steps to better protect your children, as the predator, sadly, will likely find a more vulnerable target. 

But with what we now know, ignorance is no excuse.